she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
