Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
