I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
