Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
