I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
