Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?