You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?