If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.