nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Buhtt sex?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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