the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
