i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.