Texts From Last Night

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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?

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  (402): apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor. (717): But why'd she put it on the conveyor then? http://tfl.nu/v0cx
  Replies (4) Good night (2695) Bad night (622)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.

  (1-515): View more from Iowa

  As in blowjob or cannibalism?

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.

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  (515): John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance. (1-515): As in blowjob or cannibalism? (515): I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal. http://tfl.nu/r3de
  Replies (71) Good night (4227) Bad night (1587)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...

  (1-913): View more from Kansas

  What?!

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!

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  (913): Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom... (1-913): What?! (913): Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!! http://tfl.nu/4m0s
  Replies (35) Good night (1099) Bad night (9054)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.

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  (651): how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts. http://tfl.nu/ixjv
  Replies (634) Good night (5717) Bad night (6683)
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  (415): View more from California

  Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted

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  (415): Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted http://tfl.nu/ojyr
  Replies (6) Good night (3608) Bad night (1021)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.

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  (970): I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision. http://tfl.nu/ny2a
  Replies (11) Good night (2972) Bad night (1400)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you

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  (816): You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you http://tfl.nu/d6cu
  Replies (8) Good night (1200) Bad night (3047)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.

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  (352): Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman. http://tfl.nu/vqgs
  Replies (13) Good night (2828) Bad night (759)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon

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  (937): We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon http://tfl.nu/2kt0
  Replies (12) Good night (1882) Bad night (749)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?

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  (406): So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen? http://tfl.nu/aobn
  Replies (2) Good night (1652) Bad night (628)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.

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  (407): And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know. http://tfl.nu/l7lp
  Replies (5) Good night (1282) Bad night (528)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.

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  (678): Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind. http://tfl.nu/sfym
  Replies (1) Good night (790) Bad night (605)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans

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  (+44): And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans http://tfl.nu/016u
  Replies (5) Good night (874) Bad night (336)
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  (979): View more from Texas

  You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert

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  (979): You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert http://tfl.nu/q7nb
  Replies (3) Good night (292) Bad night (683)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.

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  (813): Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me. http://tfl.nu/mgc8
  Replies (6) Good night (395) Bad night (145)

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