literally had 100 drinks last night.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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