I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
