When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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