Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
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