It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
