Whats the glycemic index on semen?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
