You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
