I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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