He asked to "fluff my boner.."
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
