Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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