I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
