Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
