sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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