there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
