So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
