how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
