Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
