im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
