I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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