Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
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