I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
