I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
