Already got asked if we're dating
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
