i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
