Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize