i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
