I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
