this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize