I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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