They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We don't watch enough power rangers
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
