Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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