ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
