My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
