my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
