My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
