remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
