We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
two words...techno handjob
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
