Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
