you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
