I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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