What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
