My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
