Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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