Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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