After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
