Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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