There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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