watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
