I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
