Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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