he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
