Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
