Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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