I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
