tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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