He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
