He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
