So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
