piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Who died my cat blue again?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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