she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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